I chose this habit because I am a task oriented person more than a people person. I am one of those people that is a happy little bee spending time all alone doing all the things that busy bees do. The down side to all of that is it’s easy to forget that people do benefit from me coming out of my solitary hive to spend time with them. I’m too quick with a passing “Hello.”
As a pastor’s wife, I’ve been told before that I hurt someone’s feelings because I didn’t say “hi” to them. And it wasn’t because I intentionally ignored them! It was just because I am usually always thinking, thinking, thinking about something. I live far too much in my head and rarely am I truly just “in the moment.” So, I have to give myself a little pep talk when I’m in a group of people. “Remember to look at people, acknowledge them. Karla, it’s not about you. Listen. Care. MAKE THEM FEEL IMPORTANT.”
I’ve been forgetting to do that pep talk lately, so I really, really want to master this. And I don’t want to do it in a fake way. I know too many fake-gracious types. You know the kind — the kind that just oooooze sweetness but you know that once you’re out of their presence they are a different person? No, that’s not what I want to be. I want to genuinely CARE about what’s on people’s minds. Once someone has been in my presence I want them to be glad they were. I want people to say, “Oh! Look who’s coming!” No, “Oh no, hide! Karla’s coming!”
You’d think at my age — 47 — I’d have so many things figured out by now. Well, I hate to break it to ya folks, but I don’t. And I can’t tell you how disappointed I am that I still have so much to learn and master! I thought surely by now I’d have mastered much more!
I’ve come to the conclusion that we never stop learning and we never will. For one thing, even if I did master it yesterday — today’s another day. And with the way my memory has been lately, I am sure to forget plenty of what I learned in my 20’s!
For some reason, I have no problem doing this with children. Children fascinate me. I love being a teacher. I love looking at their little faces and learning all about what they are thinking. I just need to transfer this to adults, too. Because, people are people and we aren’t all that different from one another. All people are learning as they go. I need to be more patient with that.
I remember once a few years ago there was a lady that I had a very hard time making sure I had the right attitude toward. She was grossly overweight, never bathed, and the smell was the worst I’d ever smelled in my life. She was also very unattractive.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not a judgmental person about looks. I am overweight myself, and I won’t win any beauty pageants. So I don’t judge people based on their looks. I want you to understand that this was the most extreme situation probably anyone has ever been in. I can’t imagine anything that could possibly be worse. Honestly.
Anyway, it really bothered me that I avoided this person. Because it wasn’t just the physical, it was also her personality. She just plain annoyed me and rubbed me the wrong way. I prayed and prayed about it. I begged God to give me His love for her.
That’s when Jesus said to my heart: “When you hug her, Karla, you are hugging me because I live in her.”
That did it. From that time on, I was able to genuinely love and accept her. Did she stop stinking? Nope. Did she still have a beard and rotting teeth? Yep. But the thing was, God was able to give me the grace to look past all that and really, really love her.
That’s how I want to be with everyone in our church and community. It’s such a privilege to be a pastor’s wife. But it’s an important responsibility, too. I realize that my response to people will affect them in ways I may never know about. And I never, ever want to hurt someone.
If I really make this new habit a true part of my life, I think the chances of harming one of God’s precious people will be a lot lower. Don’t you?
